First things first, Ally got an IPhone and all the pictures we took for this bad boy are from that phone. I gotta tell you I am a little jealous. The phone is awesome. I can't believe I didn't buy Apple stock before the IPod...if I had this entire post might have been moot. Keep reading and you'll see what I mean.
Anyway, i took numerous pictures in Gap Maternity and caught a few sideways glances from over protective parents (something I am soon to be) who thought I was a taking picture of their kids and pregnant ladies who thought me a perv. Rest assured I was merely chronicling the times as they are a changin' and keeping records for future reference. I think it would be kinda cool to have little Stewie 2 (yes, that's what we are calling him right now, Stewie 2, or Stewie Too, after our lovely and obedient dog) look at pictures and read what his parents were experiencing as he was "in the oven". In case you were wondering, Ben Jr. didn't really take. I tried, but we went with Stewie 2. It really confuses the hell out of the dog which is an added bonus.
Here is how the trip to the mall began. Ally threw me a bone and allowed me to get a pair of shoes at the Foot Locker and browse at the Apple store, before we fell into the Gap. Allow me to preface it with a simple fact: I suggested we go to Goodwill/Salvation Army or similar store, buy some cheap stuff, then sew elastic into the waist to make them fit. Those of you who know Ally know that wasn't going to fly and sure enough it didn't. What can I say, I am cheap. I also like gadgets though which tend to be pricey. Therein lies the dichotomy of Ben. But we'll save that for another post. Note to self: The Dichotomy of Ben is a good name for my memoir...now I just need to do something interesting to merit a memoir.
Anyhoo, Ally took to Gap Maternity like a fish to water. She was trying on just about everything she could get her hands on. It was at this point that something Ally has been saying over and over for the last week plus finally hit home. Her clothes not fitting are not a problem on the fashion side of things, but a problem on the "I am uncomfortable all day long until I get home and throw on my sweat pants" side of things. These clothes have more spandex than a Richard Simmons workout video. It's amazing. She was so happy that she had clothes that fit AND an added bonus is they are somewhat stylish as well. However, they are not cheap.
This brings me back to my "Used Clothes" idea. I would venture a guess that we could have bought a sewing machine for less money than we spent at Gap this fine day. I would have learned how to sew and made Ally tons of maternity clothes on the cheap! That dream is over.
Oh, I also got chewed out by the clerk lady at the store for taking a picture of the total price of our shopping trip. It went a little something like this:
Obnoxious Lady: Did you just take a picture of the total
Obnoxious Ben: Yes, I am documenting all the splendor of fatherhood...including how much it costs to buy clothes she's only going to wear for 5 months.
Obnoxious Lady: Well she will probably wear them after she has the kid for a while too. She can do what she wants
Obnoxious Ben: You don't know her. These clothes are getting boxed up as soon as she gives birth. She will probably send me home to box them up after the baby is born.
Obnoxious Lady: Rolls, eyes. Looks disapprovingly at Ally. You know you should come back and see if any of these clothes have gone on sale and we will refund the difference.
Obnoxious Ben: Fist pump
Look, I understand this is just the beginning. I know baby's, like wives, ain't cheap (I KID ALLY! I KID!). I get it. But I need to get used to ALL THIS STUFF. We were flipping through channels today and somehow ended up on some show on VH1 with Scot Baio, Chachi of Happy Days fame. He too is having a kid and was at some kind of "Becoming a Father Class". On a side note, do I need to go to class to learn about how to become a dad? I am going to play that by ear. Anyway, they were going through all the different expenses that one incurs upon having a kid. It was overwhelming for both Chachi and I.
I am quickly coming to the realization that Stewie 2 is number 1. He always will be. I can't wait for that.All that said, how old do you have to have to be to get a job? Anybody know any agents who cast babies for commercials?
All in all, it was a great trip. Ally has clothes she will be comfortable in. I learned not to make snarky comments to bitter Gap sales clerks. But my biggest take away from our trip was that I really don't care how much this is all going to cost because when it's all said and done I am going to have a son who I will probably spoil rotten at least until he can get a job to spoil himself and ideally something we can gravy train off (seriously, we need an agent for the kid). In all seriousness, child actors get a bad rap...just ask Chachi. He turned out GREAT and has his own reality show on VH1 to prove it!
